Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
