It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
