I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize