i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
