it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
