my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
