DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize