he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
