yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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