Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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