Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
