I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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