the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
