Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
