Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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