I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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