i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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