its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
