he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just blew my weed a kiss
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
