ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Everything about him screamed your future.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize