Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
