today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
