If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
