One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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