Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
