I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
