Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
