Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
