I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
