I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
