Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
