I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize