I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
