Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
