Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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