Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
