Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
