what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
