I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she smelled like a LAN party
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
