So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize