im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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