xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
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