is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
