just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
