so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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