I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize