how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Too much gin, very little bucket
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Dick very happy bro
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
