Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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