I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
