i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My balls are so social today.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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