My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
