I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
