Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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