Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Let's get the cat blown out
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
