Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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