I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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