3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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