you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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