I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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