yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
