Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
