i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I did not marry a roomba.
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