Who did Billy Mays play for?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize