I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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