I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize