time to smoke my breakfast
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dignity is for republicans.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
